If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
