Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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