I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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