I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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