at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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