hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
