Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
