So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
