It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
