Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
