Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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