I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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