She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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