he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
