It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
