I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
