I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
