i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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