I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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