babies were throwing up all over the place
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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