I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
