Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
