in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
