In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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