Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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