i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
