Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think my moral compass just broke
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
