Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
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I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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