I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
