Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
