I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
