Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Holy shit dude........stairs
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