he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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