This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
