I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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