my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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