Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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