We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
