I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
