So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
