I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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