brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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