so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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