i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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