Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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