At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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