I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
