apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
