Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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