Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
