i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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