butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just gargled with NyQuil
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
