Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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