if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
