Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This can only be settled by a dance off.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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