I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
