i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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