I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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