do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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