why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
