its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
