I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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