"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
