some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
