life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the day after is always just damage control
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
