so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
