so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
