is wine microwaveable?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
