P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
