there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
