I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
