i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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