I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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