and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
