I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
